Want more gifts, compliments and help from your man?

Here are 3 secrets to help you get what you want

Doing everything has become a badge of honour for women, particularly mothers. I can work outside the home and look after the kids and cook delicious healthy meals and do the housework and organise the appointments and find my husband’s misplaced car keys and do the hundred other things on my list each week. I can do it all. But that doesn’t mean I should, or that I don’t feel absolutely exhausted from the pressure I put on myself to get it all done.

Accepting help can be hard though! It brings up feelings like guilt, shame, laziness or fear. It can feel vulnerable to receive, even when help is offered.

And it’s not just help. When I took a step back I realised I wasn’t very good at receiving other things either, like gifts, compliments or apologies. When my friend was late to meet me for coffee and she apologised, I automatically replied “That’s ok”. When someone complimented my nail polish I said thank you, but then I couldn’t help adding “they’re starting to grow out so I need to get them done again”. When my husband gave me a beautiful, thoughtful birthday present I couldn’t help pointing out that it was a few days late and maybe he should have ordered it sooner. I was a terrible receiver! And each time rejected or downplayed or failed to receive graciously, I was effectively rejecting the giver.

Fear of owing a debt, not being in control, appearing vulnerable or weak, not feeling deserving or not wanting to appear needy or dependent—there are so many fears that can come up when we are faced with receiving.

In the case of receiving help, there could be the fear that if you don’t step up and do all the things around the house, who will? Is your husband suddenly going to start noticing that the kids’ lunch boxes need to be packed or the washing needs to be not just washed but also put on the line, taken off the line, folded and put away?

If you find yourself wishing that your husband would help out more around the house, it might be that he really is as lazy and incompetent as you tell yourself he is. It could also be that you need a little more practice in the area of receiving graciously.

Here are 3 secrets that will help you stretch your receiving muscles so you can get more of what you want:

1. Look for opportunities to practice receiving (gifts, help, compliments and apologies)

When I first started practicing the skill of receiving graciously I noticed that gentlemen would often open a door for me or step aside to let me through first and it was actually quite fun to smile and say thank you.

I also used to get annoyed when my Mother would offer to pay for all of us when we went out for dinner with my brother and our families—I mean, I’m an adult so I can pay for my own dinner— but now I just say thank you and I get to be grateful for her generosity. When you start looking for ways to receive, you will be surprised how many opportunities come your way, not just with your husband but with everyone you come into contact with!

2. Notice the feelings that come up for you when you receive

I recently had the flu and it knocked me off my feet, literally. I could barely drag myself out of bed for three days and I had to ask for help. Even then, when I was in bed recovering from illness I had these negative feelings come up around not being productive enough, not being there for my kids, I felt selfish. But when I recognised those feelings, I was able to flip my thinking and remind myself that I don’t have to be Superwoman. That by receiving help, I was no less capable than before. And then I was able to turn my focus to gratitude instead for all the help I was receiving and the opportunity I had to rest and recover.

3. Inspire even more receiving through gratitude

If you feel as though you are doing everything around the house plus taking care of the kids and your husband, it can be so tiring and overwhelming! And you might feel as though you don’t receive any thanks or credit for all the work you’re doing. That’s frustrating.

Sarah* felt so frustrated that she was the only one doing all the housework and one night after dinner she was stacking the dishwasher (somewhat loudly) while muttering to herself and her husband said “Just leave it, I’ll do it later”. Sarah’s automatic thought was “Yeah right, you’ll probably forget and it won’t get done until tomorrow morning and you always stack the plastic plates on the wrong shelf…” but she caught herself just in time. Instead, Sarah said “Thank you, I am so grateful for your help!” The surprised look on her husband’s face was worth it.

When she thought about it, Sarah realised there were other things that her husband did or offered to do that she either turned down (because she thought he wouldn’t do it the right way, and by “right” she meant “her” way) or didn’t appreciate. When she started looking for things to show her gratitude for, she was pleasantly surprised when she kept finding more and more ways in which to receive. Sarah’s experiment had the added benefit that when she started showing up with gratitude and expressing it to her family, they took her lead and started noticing and thanking her for things she did as well.

Do you struggle to receive? Maybe you’re great with gifts but not help? Or maybe you receive gifts graciously from friends but complain to your husband when he gets gold jewellery instead of silver? I invite you to stretch your receiving muscles and look for all the ways you can receive graciously this week! It really is a fun experiment to try.

*Client names have been changed to protect their privacy.

Want to take this to the next level and learn how to get what you desire without having to nag or beg? If you’re exhausted from having to do EVERYTHING, if you’re lonely or constantly disappointed, if your husband is distant and you wish he would make more of an effort…you are not alone. Schedule a free Relationship Assessment with me now and together we can work out what your next best step is!